28.05.22
i woke up at 4pm... i had nightmares all night. they were about my upcoming trip to london to see machine girl with my friends. in the nightmares i was missing all the buses and getting lost and nobody would help me find my way to the hotel or home :[ i guess this means i am pretty nervous about it. i've never been to london by myself before, actually i barely ever travel by myself at all. im hoping it will all be okay. i hope it will.
anyway it was really sunny so i decided to go for a walk to all the cornerstores to get some pepsi and maybe some candy, which i did, and it was weird, but ive already written about that -.- uh anyway i guess i'll be awake all night now because my pain meds made me sleep so long as usual... i'll watch some movies and maybe force myself to work on some new pages, my motivation is lacking recently. oki bye :3
28.05.22
slight warning for negative stuff lol.. sexual harrassment and stuff
havent updated in a while, some weird and uncomfortable but also interesting things have happened lately. one of which was today when a guy followed me to the shop talking to me about gay people and how he's trying to fix stuff with his wife... he thought i was a girl and then realised i wasnt and did the usual :00000 SORRY M8 HONEST I DIDNT KNOW lolol.. i don't speak to people much and i'm autistic and i am very trusting and can't sense when situations are weird.. so when he asked for my phone number i gave it -__- i thought oh new frend :]. i am stupid. he phoned me later and asked me to suck him off. i said uh no.. no thanks... ok bye..
this kind of thing tends to happen to me but usually its not like, sexual. ive never been sexually harrassed before. i think i probably set myself up for it because he was asking me if i was a virgin and stuff when we were walking together but i always assume people are playing around with me. i can't read social cues or contexts, barely at all... so i just answer frankly and laugh. like... i don't know how to feel haha. events like this are probably normal for most people but they tend to blindside me. i assume good intentions always and it has gotten me in trouble, even physically attacked or hurt in the past. i think that i can handle the world and it's people and then something like this happens and i realise what a child i am mentally and how scary the world actually is.
maybe i should be mad at the guy but im mostly just mad at myself for not having any social smarts and pretty much setting myself for it to happen. i'm nearly 22 and i havent grasped the concept of stranger danger and probably never really will. it just makes me feel like even more of a burden to those who have to care for me, and have to worry about me and my safety because i'm mentally deficient. :l anyway... this entry sucks i'm gonna make a new one
18.03.22
o my gode i did lots of stuff since last entry... i went to glastonbury town with my bf and bought a crows foot (i'm into weird dead things, femboy trait i know) from one of the weird shops there and found a cute pin with minto aizawa from TMM on it!! in a charity shop!! then i bought some cbd oil from a hippie (tastes bad and makes me fall asleep more than anything) and went home ^-^ i wore gothic lolita on that day and i really loved my fit but i just realised i actually took no photos oops..
the next cool thing that i did was feed a big gang of pigeons and one landed on my arm. i wore fairy kei on that day and it was super fun!
i bid on a very very beautiful innocent world jsk but someone sniped me while i was alseep..of course :'3 maybe it is a blessing in disguise because i should really be saving my money instead of throwing it at burando 3:
i'm going to london with my fren to see machine girl in like 12 days WAH i know rationally i will be ok and have fun but i am terrified london is very scarey :3
anywey today me an my bf went to ikea to obtain a DJUNGKELSKOG . i wore my etc lawn op for the first time in ages.. i don't wear it enough considering it is/was one of my dream dresses hehe. i also wore my meta headbow and antaina shoes for the first time! i think ivory is one of my favourite colours to wear. andddd we did in fact obtain a DJUNGKELSKOG. hes fat and lovely
10.05.22
ahhh the dreamdress sold of course :'3. but the good news is my ww package arrived! but the pink op doesnt suit me... i'll sell it i suppose 3: but i have my usakumya slippers ! :3
i wore the blue op and it was really nice for the sunny weather! me and my bf went to town and we saw the biggest fluffiest doggy... and he was so polite. he was a red alaskan malamute. he had huuge paws he looked like the size of a lion!!!! i love big doggies
09.05.22
one of my wishlist items is listed on LM rn but i don't get money until the 14th and it's definitely gonna get snatched up before then T-T the same thing happened last week with an old AP OP ajkjgdgd it seems my dream items only show up when i can't buy them. and if i can buy them, they never ship to my country LOL
my ww package says it's out for delivery but it still hasn't arrived AHHHHHHHHHHHHH :'3 i want my slippers heh.
i went to the gym for the first time in ages yesterday but i could only do the treadmill for about 20 minutes before i physically couldn't anymore and i was really upset about it. usually i can do the full hour. my hip and knees have been playing up lately...
anyway,, me and my bf are gonna go to glastonbury town for a day next week so i'm excited about that :'3 it's not all bad i guess
06.05.22
asjhdhhahshagshgagza i went to town a couple days ago and got complimented on my coord three times :'3 i was wearing my heart e skirt which i really dont wear enough because its sooo cute and comfy hehe.
it's about 10:30pm rn and i'm gonna go to my bfs place for a few days ^-^ and start going to the gym again cause it's right outside LOL god knows i need it :s when i get back i think i'll start working on my spooky film pages maybe? i've watched lots of horror movies lately and i think it might be my favourite genre even though finding good ones is hard.. i think a lot of my fav films are in that genre anyway.
i also finished serial experiments lain today for the fourth time hehe... i want to cosplay lain but i have so many other characters on my cosplay list and i only ever go to like, one con a year (and i haven't been at all since 2019 bc of stupid cornvid) and cosplay is basically reserved for then only LOL. i'm hoping to maybe go for the whole weekend this year! birmingham would be ideal since it's familiar... me and my bf might do skyrim cosplays maybe, but i also want to wear lolita for one of the days too :3 people still wear lolita to cons right? lmao
05.05.22
i woke up and was like hmmmm time to trigger myself but my scales are broken. triggering averted i guess. then i was like hmmm lets check on my ww packages. then found out ups is charging me £73 in import fees. why. why why. thats half the value of the package itself. my last order was way more expensive and i only had to pay £50 which is still a ridiculous amount but it wasn't FIFTY PERCENT OF THE VALUE!!!! ;__; maybe its a ups thing because i always got it delivered with dhl or royal mail before and it went fine..... god i just want my usa slippers. i have a backlog of things i need to buy or rebuy or fix and every month more gets added and i become Bronk. i wish a rich person would take interest in my boring horrible-personality-having ass and want to pay me for existing. ah the dream. anyway i guess i won't be placing any orders this month T-T byebye money
03.05.22
i was gonna vent here about like my stupid ed thoughts and my weight and stuff but then i realised i just hadnt taken my meds so i took them and now i feel fine. anyway its may bitch damn! nearly halfway thru the year!!! i hate that!!!!
